Time for the revisit of 2010.

* Master the handstand for 5 seconds.
** I didn't master the handstand, but I got an awesome action shot of it once.
* Never shop in a shopping mall unless I'm eating some damn good food or watching a movie.
** I never shopped shopped at the mall, but I did go in a couple times. All times were forgettable.

Wow. I thought I had made more resolutions than that, but that's good because I wouldn't want to disappoint myself.

* I got closer to doing arm balances and getting my foot to touch my head. I can't believe I signed up for an Advanced Intensive yoga workshop when I'm barely Intermediate level.
* Swing is going along great. My leading progression has been slow but getting there. I think people are finally getting used to my stubbornness to lead instead of follow in classes.
* Arabic has been lousy. I failed in getting my ass to Syria and the Middle East last year.
* Teaching has been great. I advanced to veteran teacher status when I got an apprentice teacher from UCLA, Monica! I've been too pushy with other teachers though with my personal agenda, so I need to chillax a bit on that.

Resolutions for 2011
* Pass Take One! Move along with NBC! This is my year for it.
* Get my ass to Mexico and/or Guatemala or somewhere outside this country. No excuses!
* Donate more money.

I spent 5 hours on a rainy Saturday morning interviewing 8 teachers, each with a 30 minutes time slot. There were about 18ish teachers total, all from LA HS. Almost all were English teachers. More than half are probably good to excellent teachers. What the hell is going on?

My first year teaching at Belmont HS was a typical one that I expected coming in. A 5500+ student population, overcrowded classrooms, low skilled students, inexperienced teachers like me, kids all over the place non-stop, fire alarms being pulled daily, teaching in 8 different classrooms within my first year ... All of this was exactly what I expected from an inner-city HS in LA. At the time, it seemed awful, and while I knew education is political, I had no idea how my thoughts on this would all change in a few years. I guess that's what makes teaching in LA exciting - that it takes you where you never expected.

I came in at the end of the stability in a sense. Perhaps it started when the head counselor retired and master scheduling went to hell with the "3 blind mice." I think it began when the new schools began to open up, starting with Miguel Contreras Learning Center. I think 3 or 4 academies left to start that school up, and already, people were beginning to feel the divide among staff and students. This wasn't that bad though.

Second and third year were tortuous with incompetent administration. At the end of my third year, we were preparing for Roybal Learning Center to open up. This move would make Belmont the smallest high school of the 3 in the Belmont Zone of Choice. People thought it would be better to move, including me. Currently in its second year of operation, it is everything that people did not want it to be.

Now at the end of my fifth year of teaching, I'm preparing to move once again. This time, not because I'm unhappy, but because I am one of the lucky few LAUSD teachers who are happy with their position and school. I'm moving because we believe this will be the last and final move for our school, and it's kind of like a happily ever after ending. We find our niche in a new site that supports pilot schools, and we can network and collaborate with other pilot schools who share our same vision and goals. And our kids magically become good students and college bound. The end.

Back to the story of LA HS. They're going through a change that's far worse than ours because their school is being split with nowhere for their teachers to go. Administration is not supportive (as usual) to the point where 12+ of their English teachers interviewed with MY school last Saturday. I can't remember the exact number of teachers we interviewed but it was way over 10. And not only that, a lot of them seemed like really good teachers. Really good teachers that I have yet to become. I felt really sad for them that they're good and dedicated teachers who have lost faith in their school and feel that they can no longer effect change. Now they're all competing for the same limited jobs on the same day at the same time. I was in that position once 2 years ago, but their situation seems sadder than mine was because many of them are far more experienced that I was.

And that's the story of teaching in Los Angeles. You sometimes have high hopes and goals for what public education should and can be; however, there's this system and institution in place that is far stronger than good human beliefs and desires. Despite what LA Times has to say about bad teachers and tenure, there are also lots of competent and caring teachers out there who believe in the best of public education but are stopped at every turn by administrators, the district and policies that nobody understands.

* Master the handstand for 5 seconds.
* Never shop in a shopping mall unless I'm eating some damn good food or watching a movie.

Reflection on last year's semi-resolutions.
* Become a yoga teacher - Well I got a certificate to teach yoga but haven't formally taught yoga. The important thing is how further in-depth study of yoga has changed my life.
* Get better at belly dancing and speaking Arabic - Scratched the belly dancing and picked up swing instead. Arabic - still working on it.
* Win the high school talent show - There is nothing to win except bragging rights.
* Refine my backpacking skills - I did go backpacking sola this year only to find it boring and lonely as hell.
* Become an ICO trip leader and plan my own kick-ass camping trips - Yeah... I so did not pass the provisional hike for this... But I'm leading attempt #2 this Saturday.

When I was younger, like 18 or 22 or something, I thought that 27 was the perfect age to be. Young but not too young. Slightly more experienced but still with a lot of years left to live. Perfect, beautiful, the peak of your life.

Have I lived up to being 27? Am I everything I thought I should be? Actually, I'm everything I've ever wanted to be and more. Really a lot more. I never imagined that I would have picked up so many skills, met so many people, and have traveled to as many places as I've been. The only thing I'm lacking is some perfect type of romantic relationship that 27 year-olds should be in, but I think I've more than made up for that.

I took a yoga class from Huck about 2 weeks ago, and his theme was shining out, illuminating your beauty. Something like that. At first, I wasn't too into his theme, but as the class progressed, I was impressed with how well he incorporated the theme into the class. I remember it being a beautiful day. Huck said that people's biggest fear is not that they are not beautiful but that people are afraid to shine out their truest beauty, as if they're afraid to show themselves off to the world. This really clicked with me, and my goal for being 3 cubed is to shine out my beauty for the world to see. Not so much too show off (which I'm good at) but more to love life and everything that it means.

This was perfect because I think it was a Saturday that I took Huck's inspiring class, and it was the day of the Third Saturday Swing. I had my first ever birthday dance there, and I really felt gorgeous (what an awkward word!). My following is inconsistent, but a lot of the pro dancers danced with me, and I felt rather special. I can't wait for my birthday party at Lindy Groove, which will be 2 weeks late but still fun.

As I had mentioned on the first day of teacher training, I am a high school chemistry teacher. We all know that being a teacher is hard, but chemistry is also a difficult subject. A lot of students don't like chemistry, don't understand how it relates to their everyday lives and don't understand why they have to take it other than to graduate high school. And honestly, in the big picture of life, I don't care about teaching chemistry either. But for my students, and I teach in downtown LA, I think more about teaching my students skills that I think will benefit them since chemistry can be very abstract for many students. For example, I teach them math skills, such as graphing and solving word problems. And I teach them english skills, such as grammar, writing, reading, vocabulary and following directions. It just happens that I'm teaching them skills in the context of chemistry. I do this because I feel that I'm helping the students to build a structure for themselves in order to open up their options post-high school. I have a wide range of students, from students who go to college to those who go straight to work after high school to some students who transfer mid-year to other schools, such as continuation high school or a high school for pregnant teens. I often have no idea how students benefit from being in my class (even if for a short period of time), but what is I hope is to teach them skills and structures in their lives that will help them some time later in their lives.

The theme for today's class is to build structures using everything we know in order to create more possibilities for ourselves. Everyone has experience building some kind of structure or skill, such as learning yoga, learning a new hobby, even building relationships. We often do not know how our efforts will be rewarded or sometimes the outcome is not what we had anticipated, but we open ourselves up to an infinite world of possibilities, which is the beauty of life.

Now everyone take a comfortable seat and close your eyes. As we begin our practice of backbends this morning, we're going to use our knowledge of yoga to build our poses with 100% of our effort in order to explore even greater possibilities of what Anusara yoga has to offer us and what we have to offer back to the Anusara and the greater communities. To do this, we're going to use muscular energy to represent our effort and organic extension represent our surrender and offering to the unknown.

We'll begin class with 3 om's followed by 3 rounds of the Anusara invocation.

- Improve implementation of chapter challenges. Also assign chapter challenges for each unit.
- Incorporate one social issue into each unit (may or may not be directly related).
- Make a consistent attempt to relate chemistry to other subject matters at least once a unit.

The crazy thing about my teaching goals this year is that this is the first time I'm focusing on my instruction rather than student behavior and interaction... 4 years later...

Definition: alarm, apprehension
Synonyms: abhorrence, agitation, angst, anxiety, aversion, awe, bête noire, chickenheartedness, cold feet, cold sweat, concern, consternation, cowardice, creeps, despair, discomposure, dismay, disquietude, distress, doubt, dread, faintheartedness, foreboding, fright, funk, horror, jitters, misgiving, nightmare, panic, phobia, presentiment, qualm, recreancy, reverence, revulsion, scare, suspicion, terror, timidity, trembling, tremor, trepidation, unease, uneasiness, worry
Antonyms: bravery, courage, fearlessness, heroism, unconcern

I don't think I've truly been afraid of anything in a long time, but one fear I have is of riding my bike in the streets. I have this fear that I will certainly get hit by a car, either because of my fault or the driver. I only live 2 miles from school; but I still drive to school. I want to ride my bike, but I need to get over the fear of getting hit and to train myself so I don't cause the accident.

Well today, I finally rode my bike to school. It took me 25 minutes, and I walked about 1/3 of the distance because I didn't feel strong enough to overcome the hills. The point is, to overcome your fear, you need to take baby steps. In Anusara, I guess that's like setting your foundation. After that, you gather your courage and muscles so you can rise up to the challenge. Once you're there, you can organically extend through your legs or just use gravity to cruise down the hill. Of course, you need to remain mindful the whole time or you can wipe out on the hill and cause yourself injuries.

Sometimes, there is reason to fear like a really big hill or some streets with lots of potholes. In those cases, you need to step back and just walk it off. It's not a big deal because maybe next time, I can ride those streets as I learn more or I can find an alternative pathway that's a little easier.

I began the Anusara Teacher Training last weekend, and it was super fun. Much funner than the Immersion and also more thought provoking. That goes to show what a teacher I already am because many of my classmates missed the in-depth philosophy lectures from the Immersion portion. I don't. The teacher training so far is based mostly on observations, debriefings, and practice.

My biggest obstacle in becoming an Anusara yoga teacher is to discover my Anusara yoga teacher voice, versus the high-school-chemistry-inner-city-public-school teacher voice that I'm already comfortable with. Tara's suggestion for all of us trainees was to journal write what each "heart feeling" means to us. Sounds cheesy. Yeah, I know. The logic is that you have to truly feel and understand that "heart feeling" in order to use it as a theme authentically in class. Makes sense, I guess. So here goes my first one.

Devotion.

Definition: commitment; loyalty
Synonyms: adherence, adoration, affection, allegiance, ardor, attachment, consecration, constancy, dedication, deference, devotedness, devotement, devoutness, earnestness, enthusiasm, faithfulness, fealty, fervor, fidelity, fondness, intensity, love, observance, passion, piety, reverence, sanctity, service, sincerity, spirituality, worship, zeal
Antonyms: apathy, carelessness, indifference, neglect, negligence

While driving on the 101 to the SFV today, I was thinking a lot about Ms. Stazer, the art teacher at school. I know this isn't suppose to be a middle school essay on who is your role model, but I think Ms. Stazer equals devotion. Her husband is currently in the hospital slowly dying after a massive heart attack; yet, she is so devoted to her school and students that she continues to come to school to complete things that need to be done around school. She continues to meet with the 9th grade team to discuss curriculum because she truly wants to provide the best education possible for the students. She had set up all the floral decorations at Amanda's wedding last month because she cares about her, and Amanda was her student years ago. She is devoted not only to her current students, but she continues to care for her students' well-being long after they cease being her students and have transitioned to her colleagues.

Ms. Stazer was suppose to retire this past school year; however, she chose to stay one more year because she wanted to help the school build and stabilize itself before she left. I think that's true dedication - making sure that not only you do well in what you do but to also ensure that the effect is long-lasting, so the benefits of your efforts can touch those who do not even know you directly. I've been thinking the past few years about joining the Peace Corps, but after working with a woman like Ms. Stazer, I know equally well that I can be of huge service by staying at my school and being a strong, stabilizing force for other teachers and staff.

My devotion is to towards social justice and the community. I know that I would be doing the community and all the stakeholders a disservice if I left the school before we moved to the new site. I know the school will need me to help them get back on their feet at the new school site in a year, just as Ms. Stazer knows that the school needs one more year to make itself fully functional.

Devotion is self-sacrifice. Like saying that you'd die for something. I sometimes think that in my mind, that I'd die for my students. I'm not sure I really would, but I sometimes get close to thinking that and almost believing in it. I know Ms. Stazer has sacrificed a lot for her students and colleagues. She's sacrificed a lot of time and sanity for us. She sacrifices doing things that she'd otherwise love to do because she sees the long-term worth of her devotion to the school.

In looking at the synonyms for devotion, I realized that I am devoted to my school now. I know I couldn't say that a year ago, but at this moment I can. I adore my students. I would describe many of them as affectionate and sweet. I remember telling the Boss that I wanted to keep the senior Advisory class because I was attached to them. And how can I be anything but devoted to them if the reason why I want to become a yoga teacher is so I can teach them? Everything I learn is so I can have more avenues to transfer knowledge, fun and excitement for life to the students.

Well yesterday was a shitty day at school for me. I'd say the worst day this year, which is amazing it occurred this late.

Period 2 finally got on my nerves. I have some awesome kids in that class, but I have a high ratio of students with really poor skills and work-habits. I also have a handful of nasty students with some attitudes. Makes for a fun class to teach. I'd say I hate it. The kind of shit I don't care much for in teaching in this type of inner-city neighborhood.

PD wasn't much better because the boss had us talk about the roles of each school committee. I was sick of her lack of organization and making us do things that we had done before. I was tired that we wasted so much time talking about how to plan something; yet, we never plan anything or get anything done. Anyways, I made a snippy remark openly in regards to that.

I think I go through the year trying not to be judgmental about students, not saying if I like them or not because I don't feel that's my place as a teacher to say. I'm suppose to just care about their education, right? I think by the time school ends and I don't see significant progress in some students, I start to let it out and obviously students don't take it well when they are slapped with the truth.

I hope everyone is doing well after testing this week. I'd like to say that Esther has been doing an awesome job by herself this year with all the testing stuff.

I normally don't consider myself a whiner, but I recognize school-wide incompetence when I see it. That's why I had left Belmont last year, and I'm sure that's why many of you had left your previous schools as well. I think Esther has been pulling a lot of weight around these past few days, and I'm disappointed that other staff have not been doing the same.

First point. Last Monday after school, Esther was left by herself at 4 pm with NO ONE to help her redistribute and reorganize the testing booklets for Tuesday's math testing. If Mario Rivera and I were not around to help her count the testing material and put in the correct math booklets, she might have been at school until 10 pm. I don't understand why no one had thought to consider she'd need help after school each day to reorganize testing material.

I suggest that next year, the testing person should have a paid assistant, either another teacher or teacher's assistant, full time to help her on the days of testing at the least.

Second, today, Friday, 4 teachers are absent. I know we all call into Subfinder to request a sub, but OBVIOUSLY, Subfinder does not always produce a reliable sub. I always contact my sub personally to make sure that she shows up when I request her. I really suggest we all do the same so that people like Esther does not get screwed over when she tries to do make up testing today. She had called in her sub who showed up; however, other 4 other teachers were absent and not all their subs showed up. So Esther's sub was used to cover other teacher's classes and Esther was forced to clean up testing material WHILE teaching her classes. I'd say that is really inconsiderate bullshit.

Not only that, we're talking about testing here, one of the most important things we have to do as a school. We have to allow the testing person to continue with their duties uninhibited and with as much support as possible. It's not even about the testing person. It's about what WE have to do as a school to make us function properly. This means calling in your subs and be willing to cover other teachers' classes when duty calls for it so that the testing person is able to, oh i don't know, maybe proceed with the make up testing. If we can't make 95% for the CST testing, then that would be ridiculously pathetic. Not because we don't have a competent testing person, but because everyone in this school can't pull their own weight and perhaps a little more to do this correctly.

We talk so much about lost teaching time, but that's all we seem to do, just talk. We talk about how disruptive testing can be, but with 4 teachers absent today and Esther losing her sub because of that, make up testing next week will probably be more disruptive then if Esther had just been able to finish up today.

We do work at a pilot school, which means you have to hold your own weight competently and be willing to do a little extra minus the whining and complaining. Esther's too sweet and considerate to hurt other teachers' feelings, but I have little patience with incompetence.

-Nancy Le-
School for the Visual Arts and Humanities